There's only one word to describe me.
Name: Shawn/Randy/Tatsuya
School:Singapore Polytechnic
Age: 17
Birthday: 14th May 1993

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Designer/ %PURPUR.black-
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Kenneth.

Friday, May 29, 2009 { 7:54 PM }

I can't be too lucky i guess.
I seem to keep bumping into her lol? Damn it larhh. So suay.

Friday, May 22, 2009 { 7:25 PM }

Sigh, here we go again.. More ppl to entertain me on my blog.
Every few months we must liddat uh? Lmao. I've no time to spare my breath on you guys man.
Just scram if u don't like me. I don't follow ppl around. And i'm not yr fucking dog. Gay assholes. Dare say me on my blog you come out in school and say me larhh, in my face. Don't need hide uh. I'm not afraid of no one.

Ok.. i shall talk about what happened last night first. I was kinda awkward? Or cos i too hiong uh. When we left school after coursework last night, about 9.40++ there? Then we had to climb over the school gate cos it was triple locked and then when we managed to go over, suddenly got this SMRT taxi come larhh, den at the school gate there, Nizar larhh, talk so loud, so ask can uturn here mehx? den the ccb driver stick his head outta the window and said' say what thing? say louder larhh.' Den i go point him middle finger. HAHAHAH. Sozai. Imba siao lol. xD

CS IS OVER!!!!! No more coursework! xD

Haiz. My phone is nuts! It autorestart like dunno wad. Lmao. I gg dinner. bb. xD

Tuesday, May 19, 2009 { 7:53 PM }

Last night, i somewhat saw the light i guess. Love, is Not what i really need now uh. It's.. Friendship. XD
Wow. The stupid dwarf mouse i've been hunting for isn't coming out! @$#$&%@%$
So stupid sia. Sibei hard to catch. CCB. KNN. Hahaha. Jking. I'm much more cheerful now, i guess. I've to live through ppl calling eileen's name in the class, i should't have went to jio her? Haha. Regret liaos worhh. But, it's alright. That bee song doesn't really irritate me i guess. I'm alright. Ok. I owe Xu lao Shi 4 stupid chinese compres, and all that i've done is half half of sth? Idk. Hahah. Owe too much liaos. TODAY, i handed in the CS coursework! WOO HOO. No more liaos, last cs lesson for coursework is on thursday, for editing. And after CS today, i stayed back with eh.. Huatzai, The 4e7 guy who i cannot rmb the name, Cheryl, qian hua and shi mei for chinese extra small group class. I feel so........ light now? Not much stuff to ponder or be afraid or of uh? Haha. Just now went northpoint dabao dinner, den met shiwei at the traffic light there, den i damn bad lol? Made him miss like 15 mins of his show cos he was willing to pei me go dabao. xD
HAHAHA. My life, is looking up i guess. Be prepared for more physics, chem, math, mt and other lessons lol? HAHA. Alright. Ryza, you've got a long road ahead of yeah. It's time to STEP AND GO! WEE HEE. My tension sibei high now lol? xD

Monday, May 18, 2009 { 8:13 PM }

Life.. Sure is hard. And somehow i feel this is the only place i can ever express myself ever. Haha. Guess i'm not that a very expressive person.
Love, sometimes i find it's something i really want. A person you can share all your joy and hope and happiness with, someone who'll ask if you're alright and someone who really cares about you and loves you so much that she'll actually forsake anything just for you. I won't mind having such a person with me, someone who i'll love so much that anything i learn or find out, i'll have someone i can call or text or at least find to talk about first. It's.. Painful, when you find out a person that you love won't love you. Experience? I've had so much risk-taking days and.. Yeah, i learn from every time i actually feel that same pain. But. This time i feel it's kinda different. I love her so much i actually won't mind doing anything for her. =X
Sometimes, i feel i'm a total jerk. I always mess up big time when it comes to expressing how much i like a gal. I always mess up there, and when the pain sinks in, and after claiming how failure i am in life, i'd freshen up, and live my life in a somewhat entertaining manner, by distracting myself with music, with things i like other than her, and yeah, dota? It's just a way of killing off thoughts that bring me so much sadness. I know i seem so sad now uh?
Haha. It's like a feeling that you get when there's no one there to give you a hug when you're really feeling damn pathetically lousy. Like wan die liaos still bo lang come at least embrace you and let you feel happy.

Sigh. I really don't wanna lose her. No matter how much i lie to myself that i don't like her, i can't seem to catch what i really wanna tell myself. I seriously kept glancing at her during the boring chinese talk today, that i found myself doing so much that i think i looked at her more often then the 'Han lao shi'. It's just that hard to bounce back. Sigh.
Sometimes, i feel so.. Alone? I want her, by myside, with me, enjoying her time with me. But.. This all seems like a super distant fact from where i am now...

I hate myself.

Thursday, May 14, 2009 { 11:04 PM }

Sigh. No matter how sad i feel, i still have to like keep myself happy? Haha. Went out for dinner with kenny. xD Haha. Okay, i'll spill on the stuff i did tonight.


This... Is the cake, form Bakerzin, which my mother bought for me. (My mom reached earlier than my sis, thus she bought the cake instead of my sis.)


This, is.... Idk. It just looks darker. -.-


This is the score i owned kenny with, at Air hockey, where he actually was winning me, but then i suddenly in the next few games became super imba and owned him. xD

Owned him again. xD He still act pro sit down. xD
This.... is my shirt.

This.. Is the cake from the front view. Lmao. So many views lol?

{ 5:49 PM }

Maybe i should stop brooding over the fact that it's a no hope situation. And i'm supposed to cheer up. It's my birthday at least. That's nice. But, it's my sadest birthday i've ever lead. Somewhat strange, but a new experience. I just can't get the thoughts out of my mind. What i've sacrificed. It's, not fair? I've given up alot. Ripped a piece of my dignity for her, and yet it's still the same ending. It always ends like this. Why? I figured the common factor that leads down this sad road for me is..... Me. It's always like this. I always question myself why, but i always try giving up anything for a loved one. It never works. I can't even find anyone who can help me. Maybe all i wanted was someone to understand me, someone who'll always be there to support me. And allow me to do the same, but i can't find the person.
The one person i would have wanted to let me hold her and, give me a hug when i'm down, or at least care for me. I always feel so.. Alone.
Just now, siti hafiza said i looked very. carefree? I didn't know i seemed like that. I always bottle EVERYTHING i think within myself. And i never tell anyone how i feel on certain things. I don';t trust anyone enough to even tell the person anything personal about myself; my thoughts.

Sometimes, i wish i can just erupt. Just give up on EVERYTHING, and just start all over again. Sigh. Seems like my days are kinda, hard? When my parents catch wind on my results, i'm so dead. What a great 16th birthday i'm having. Never felt so stressed for a birthday before. All my songs seem to follow my mood. I just seem to, feel sad, by myself.

When i walk past her, or even catch sight of her, i'd just tell myself not to look, not to hear, not to say. I can't just give up, i must let go. That's the worst part uh? Sigh. tough luck uh?

And now, i'm in school, trying to sort out my mixed emotions. Sometimes, i really wished i could just look at her, talk to her, and love her. but.. It's hard. When the story never goes your way. I'm forever tempted to look at her, when i know she's near, but. I try forcing myself to not look. And the feelings to look is so strong, i feel it hard to control. This is the worst birthday i've had, although so many people wished me happy birthday. I wonder is it just me, or i don't even know if they really mean it or just see me den just say out of politeness. But.. It's alright. At least they bothered to say.

I thin k it's all my own fault it didn't work out. I'm the failure cause of everything. It's getting too much a burden for me myself to take all of this. I can't do it soon. I always feel like i'm the neutral in a situation, and whenever a choice is thrown at me, i can hear myself having self conflict within. Am i sick? -.-
Lmao. I haven't been myself lately, and yeah. I won't be myself for sometime, because, i lost her.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009 { 6:00 PM }

Tuesday, May 12, 2009 { 8:23 PM }

Impossible. My life just gets better and better everyday. I get into a truth or dare game as the victim? As in the person that kenna dare is relying on me to save her. Kinda awkward. But.. the consequences is kinda harsh. And.... So. thy sacrifice myself to help barhh. HAHAHA. Better dun anyhow talk here. Later my peeping tom sister come see wadever i say.
And so, due date's tmr. How? Troubled thoughts, uncontactable person.

Today, i realised Kong Jiao Wei actually sabo-ed me to go to kenna under some weirdo teacher. It's not nice. When you're one of the 7 sad ppl who kenna chosen to be sent to some weirdo teacher and get taught by her. SUCKS.

I'm seriously troubled. How to help?
Help or not to help? Big question.

Sunday, May 10, 2009 { 7:03 PM }

Hmm. Quite long nvr blog liaos. HAHAHA. 4th of May was my last entry.
today, i had tuition. The bo liao EL tuition is super sian. I anyhow wrote some letter writing shit and then i was like listening to my music all the while, while eating sweets and smsing. It was sibei sian. hahah. After that, i came home for lunch, and realised that some stupid ants had invaded my lunch. My sis luhh. Nvr cover? Den they all start blaming one another for not covering. My sis didn't seem to care my lunch was half spoilt. So in the end, i ate porridge and yeah. That's it. HAHAHA. Dunno wad to say.
Hmm, then began watching D No Arashi!
SO NICE TO WATCH!
HAHAHA. I now still watching lol?

Monday, May 4, 2009 { 9:43 PM }

{ 9:43 PM }

{ 9:33 PM }

Hmm, today was history paper. It was okay i guess. HAHAH. Only finished my second essay de 5/6 sia. Kinda sian over that part. No time. 0.0 HAHAHA. Ahh. Today was quite sian. I'm so hooked onto Nakamaru Yuichi's Song, 'Key Of Life' quite long liaos de song, but i like sia. Damn nice. I shall change my blog de song and title to 'Key Of Life' I wish IMEEM will let me play the whole fucking song, and not just 30 secs. HAHAH.

I shall get the lyrics. xD