I realised much today. I don't need to try to get the relationship that i want. Someday, i'll get what i truly deserve. I had a good talk with janielson today. It made me feel better. I realised that i'm just chasing what i want, with the worst method ever. It's no wonder. Why Elaine is running away from me. I feel so. Lost. I'm afraid. But i don't wanna stop trying. It makes me feel like i can change targets of girls so easily. But yet, i was able to do so, only because, i truly gave up on wt previously. I gave up willingly, because i knew i gave everything i had for that opportunity already. I don't like to run from my troubles. My issues. I wanna face them all. I wanna be mature. It's not like i want a relationship for the fun of it. I want a long lasting one. Where she knows i'll be there for her no matter what happens. And so will i. I was doing everything the wrong way. I need to treat her as per normal. As if we're normal friends, and nothing matters. Only then, will i be able to get close to Elaine. :( It's hard. I'm learning from the process. I mean, jan says i'm in this desperate state, where all guys go through it. And i need to learn and grow, evolve and exit this state asap. When i return, i'll be that mature person, who is able to kid around when the time is right, and show my seriousness when it is right. Enough with ranting. Those people who can't see that i have 101% to be a GL, I'LL SHOW THEM. I SHALL NO LONGER COMPLAIN. I'LL PROVE IT TO THEM, THEY MADE THE WRONG CHOICE.
I wanna prove it to you, in terms of my actions, instead of my words. That i truly love you.
Meanwhile, it's to be seen, that i can control all my emotions, and be the person i think i can be.
Actions speak louder than the words eventually. I've gotta start. Beginning next monday. Welcome home, Viper.
